The Story of the Beads

By Mary Grace Musuneggi

Once upon a time there was a man named Donny who had been diagnosed with cancer and given only a year to live. He could only imagine what that year would be like, but he knew if it was his last then it was his last chance to make each day special.

Not wanting to risk that any day would go by without making it the best it could possibly be, Donny decided he needed a way every day to remind himself of the limits of his life span. So he went to a craft store and purchased a glass jar and 365 small, round colorful beads. Each morning when he arose, he took a bead, meditated on it and on what he would do with the 24 hours ahead of him, and then he tossed the bead away.

The first time I heard this story, I thought it was sad and morbid to be counting down the days, watching them slip by as the jar became more and more empty. But I then learned that Donny went through all the beads in the jar and he was still here. In fact, he filled the jar once again and managed to stay in the world for another six months before his life came to an end. Donny deliberately lived and experienced 545 very special days.

No matter how old we are, can any of us truly say that we have planned and executed 545 special days?

How great would it be if we could as we go forward? If our life expectancy is age 90 or 95 or more, how many days do we have? How many beads would that be? And since tomorrow is never promised to anyone, maybe we need to fill our own jars with 365 beads and repeat this year after year.

In The Writing Life, Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

So let’s spend each in the spirit of carpe diem and seize the day. Pick up a bead and have a great day!

Surviving Valentine’s Day

A Personal Note from Mary Grace Musuneggi

It seems we have barely finished taking down the Christmas decorations, when in every store Valentines appear. And, although Valentine’s Day should be something to look forward to in the doldrums of the winter, for many women Valentine’s Day can bring the cold reality of defining themselves in terms of their romantic relationships…or lack thereof.

Remember how in elementary school, you would spend days decorating that shoe box, writing out your cards and choosing the best card for that “someone special,” only to watch that “someone special” walk past your desk to give his “someone special” card to that too adorable, too sweet, “teacher’s pet” little girl who wouldn’t have much as given him the time of day. She would take the card and put it in her box with the other 15 “someone special’ cards she got that day. By the end of the school day, the amount and size and shape of the cards we received defined us as popular…or not; in the right clique…or not; pretty…or not…and so on.

And somehow 20, 30, 40 years later, nothing has changed. Unless our current relationship is with our prince charming, soul mate, life partner–or we are the adult version of the “teacher’s pet”–Valentine’s Day defines us as single, divorced, widowed; unhappily attached; sadly attached; in the wrong relationship with the wrong person; or living with the guy who just will never think to buy us flowers and candy, but he will get our car washed. No matter what, we will define ourselves in terms of our relationship on that day. This holiday can attack self-esteem, produce anxiety, create confusion over lifestyles, and cause a sense of inadequacy for women who are normally intelligent, successful, self-confident and self-assured.

The whole reason for this is that we all have the need to be loved. And thanks to Cinderella and “Pretty Woman” Julia Roberts, we believe that romantic love is the ultimate form of love. And Valentine’s Day is all about romantic love.

So how do you survive this if you are not currently in a romantically loving relationship?

You can begin by focusing on who you love and who loves you. Even if this is your kid sister or your mom, you can be reassured that you are a lovable person. Hang out with your mom. Take your little sister shopping. Spend some time being grateful for who you are and what is special about you. These thoughts will reassure you and remind you of your self-worth while restoring your self-esteem. Plan to spend February revisiting the goals you had set for yourself going into the new year. Concentrate on the things that are important to you.

Do something special for yourself. Go to a spa, get a professional pedicure, or get a massage. Send Valentine’s cards to everyone you know. You will feel good for doing it and they will feel great for receiving it. And for some people, this may be the only card they get. Write on each card, “For Someone Special.” Prepare your favorite dinner, have a glass of wine and watch your favorite movie. Use this time to become the kind of person you would love or the person you would love to be. Use the day to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Create a special memory. Valentine’s Day will come and go. Memories can last forever.

Vacuuming…Not Just for Hoover Anymore

By Mary Grace Musuneggi

When most women hear the word vacuuming, they initially think of their Hoover or Dyson. Vacuuming brings up visions of removing unwanted stuff off of their floors and carpets. But vacuuming also means emptying a space of everything. There is a natural law that says “nature hates a vacuum.” It simply means if you remove something from a space, nature will fill the space with something else. For instance, pour water out of a glass and as the water flows out, air flows in.

Another natural law that goes with this is “two things cannot fit in the same place at the same time.” You can’t fill the glass with water and fill it with air.

But the importance of these laws relates more to how we fill up our lives. Too many of us have filled our lives with things that are not good or valuable. We have closets full of ill-fitting, outdated clothes. We have uncomfortable home furnishings. Our living space is cluttered and disorganized. We have bad financial situations, bad debts. We are in unhappy or abusive relationships. We work a job that is unsuitable for us or brings us no satisfaction.

So if two things can’t fit in the same place at the same time, how can we bring in better clothes or better home furnishings? A better job? Happy and loving relationships?

We can’t make room for the good until we have vacuumed out the bad. When the space is cleared to make room for something better, nature will fill the void.

We need to ask ourselves, “Does this person, place, thing, outfit, career, situation, fit the design I have for my life?” If you were writing the script for your life, could you say that you have assembled the right characters, scenery, and costumes to make it a smashing success? If not, create vacuums.

Now it certainly may be easy enough to vacuum out a worn pair of shoes or an old sweater. But what about relationships? Friendships?

One of my favorite quotes is by Steve Maraboli as he reminds us:

“Let go of the people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issue.”

So ask yourself if the people who fill up your space actually bring you joy, make you a better you, support your efforts, cheer you on, and allow you to be who you really want to be. If not…get out your Hoover and vacuum.