Taking Responsibility for Where You Are

For the past eight years, I have been reading the Day Book, Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Each day of the year there is an inspirational reading that sends women on a journey to finding themselves, to simplifying their lives, and to walking a path of fulfillment and contentment.

As I prepared to start the readings again in 2016, I reflected on how I began this ritual those many years ago. I recalled being told by a friend that this book was a “must read.” And I remember someone else telling me that she read the book every day, every year, but it didn’t mean much to her until she made the decision to understand where she was in life, take responsibility for that life and then choose to do something better. Then reading the book every day gave her encouragement and the desire to live with passion.

At the beginning of this New Year, we should all do the same.

Have you ever heard people say that if they had the money, they would go on a cruise? Or if they had the time they would take an art class. If they had the support they would start a business. If the kids were older? If the weather was better? If the world was safer? If, if, if!

So often on the road of life, excuses for why we don’t accomplish our goals are very much the same. It’s someone else’s fault: your spouse, your employer, your family. It’s the economy, society, the government. Circumstances. Or the popular, “I had an unhappy childhood.” It is always easy to blame someone or something else for where we are. Or why we don’t move on. But the only way to get beyond where we are is to take responsibility for it. Only by doing that do we have a chance of getting what we want. Taking responsibility means we have made the choices and now we can make better ones. Responsibility gives us control and power.

Her journey of thousand miles could never happen, because she was unwilling to take the first step.

Years ago I was introduced to a woman named Jane, the mother of four boys, who had lost her husband to cancer. At the time, she was not working. Her friends were hoping I could give her some guidance through this period and get her life back on track. Although, of course, she was not responsible for her husband’s death, she was responsible for how she was handing it and how it was impacting her life. She said she was running out of money and wanted to know what she should do. She was getting Social Security for her two youngest sons, but she knew that would stop in a few years. She was forty years old, had been trained as a nurse, and was healthy and attractive. She lived in a large, beautiful home, and the mortgage was paid off. Two of her sons had jobs and all four boys still lived at home.

As I knew that nurses were at a premium in my city, I first suggested that she look for a job. I could recommend a career counselor that she could talk to. Her response was that she was hoping not to work, as she hadn’t had to work when her husband was alive. At that point I just decided not to argue with her about how things weren’t the same now that he was dead and that working seemed to be a simple solution to her problem. Instead, I suggested that she consider selling the house and moving to a smaller place. She said that she would never want to sell the house, and that the boys would be really upset if she did. Although I started to recognize that I might be taking to a wall, I suggested that if the boys chose to stay in the house, they should contribute to the bills. Two of them had incomes; she could charge them rent. She told me she could never ask her children for money.

So I said, “Well you don’t want to work, you don’t want to sell the house, and you don’t want the boys to contribute, so what were you thinking?” She replied, “I have no idea. That is why I came to talk to you. I thought you could help me, but obviously you can’t.”

If only I’d had the magic wand to make things “all better.” But if I had, I would have used it on myself long ago. Jane had a goal: to maintain the lifestyle she’d had while her husband was living. But she hadn’t taken a good look around and figured out where she was now. And she wasn’t willing to take responsibility for where she was at that point in her life. Her journey of thousand miles could never happen, because she was unwilling to take the first step.

As I read Simple Abundance once again this year, I realize that where I am today is where I chose somehow to be, and I look to Sarah to once again inspire me to take the steps to keep me walking my chosen path. I long ago took the first step on the journey to where I wanted my life to be.

Sometimes the first step isn’t clear. Sometimes is it very obvious. In any case, it isn’t truly a step until you pick up your foot and move.

In this New Year, my wish for you is insight– insight to where you are and how you got here–as well as a wish that you find whatever you need as inspiration for keeping you on the path to a life of abundance, fulfillment, and contentment.

Happy 2016!

Mary Grace Musuneggi

Yes, Christopher, There is a Santa Claus

“Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.”

–Frank P Church, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus”

By Mary Grace Musuneggi

With the onset of the Holiday Season, I find it easy to recall the days of my childhood and the memories of my Christmases past. When I was young, on random Saturdays, my mother and I would ride the streetcar to downtown and get off under the Kaufmann’s clock. I still remember the department store Christmas windows as we walked along Smithfield Street. I remember the bells of the Salvation Army Santa. I remember the Christmas music that filled the air.

The wonderful Christmas memories and traditions of my past are probably the reason that the Holiday Season is still as exciting to me as it was when I was a child. I have never let go of the joy and delight that the season can bring. I have never forgotten the Spirit of the Holiday. And I have never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

Almost 30 years ago, when my son, Christopher, was 10 years old, a group of his friends had gathered in our family room to play video games. The boys were talking about the hottest new game on the street, and as I passed by, Christopher called out to me, “Mom, can you buy this new game for me for Christmas?” I responded with, “We will see. Maybe Santa Claus will bring it for you.” With that the other boys began to laugh as they chided him with “You mean you still believe in Santa Claus?” And in a voice barely above a whisper, hoping I would not hear, Christopher replied, “No, I don’t; but my Mom still does.”

And I do. I believe in the Santa Claus that helps us find the time that we never seem to have the rest of the year. The time to shop and decorate and bake. I believe in the Santa that helps us find the extra energy needed to write out the cards, to wrap the gifts, to attend the parties, to cook the dinner. I still believe in the Santa Claus who in years where money was tight, somehow made it appear to help to pay for the gifts and the tree and the new outfits. And I believe in the Santa Claus that brings family and friends closer and makes us wish for Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All, no matter what the state of the world might be.

Although for some the holiday season may seem lackluster with the state of the economy, the endless negative news from the media, issues facing the country or because of personal or family concerns, more than ever, once again, I believe that Santa will appear bringing the blessings of faith and hope; the kindness of strangers and the love of family and friends; the miracle of sharing; the knowledge that all we have is all we need; and the realization that we still live in the greatest country in the world.

And when years have gone by these blessings will still exist, and hopefully our current struggles will be lost memories and Santa will continue to be part of Christmas.

We at Single Steps Strategies wish this year that the miracle of Santa will be part of this Holiday Season for everyone we know.

Being Grateful

If you were asked to describe how you begin your day, are your mornings filled with rushing around, dragging kids out of bed, fumbling to find your shoes, dreading the bus ride to the city, and complaining about going to a job you do not like? For most women, the mornings are not filled with an hour of meditation, some time for reading, a quiet breakfast with the family discussing their plans for the day. Yet how we set up our day in the morning will most likely determine how our day progresses.

Although we would love to start our days with peace, quiet, and a cup of coffee while we sit by the fireplace, limited time robs us of the opportunity to do this. But what if there was a way to bring a positive spin into the early morning and sustain it throughout the day?

Try this: While you brush your teeth, or feed the dog, or ride on the bus, or walk into the office – give thanks.

Give thanks for the house you live in, the family that surrounds you, the people on the bus who smile at you, the change in your purse, the clothes you wear, the job you have. Give thanks for your health, your dog, the food on the table. Thanks for your relatives, friends, and co-workers.

Now it may seem difficult to be grateful when kids are sick, you missed the bus, the boss is angry, and you’re in a rut. And it seems almost impossible to be thankful when there is no money in the bank, the mortgage is overdue, and you were passed over for that raise. Worries about family, work, and money steal your days and take away the ability to enjoy life. Living becomes existing.

But even at these most despairing moments, you need to reach beyond the “liabilities” to find those things that add to the “asset” side of your life’s ledger.

By starting your day in this spirit, you set it up to be prosperous and satisfying. If you start the day feeling stressed and lacking, you will have a day of stress and lack. In taking a mental inventory of your life’s assets, you will realize just what a rich woman you really are. You will see that you have much to be grateful for and that you are probably taking for granted the abundance that already exists in your life. The world around you will give you more if you appreciate what you already have.

Melody Beattie wrote in the Language of Letting Go, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.”

Begin each day with gratitude; if you do this every day for a month, you will simply not be the same person you are today. By giving thanks each day for the abundance you already have in your life, you will set in motion an ancient spiritual law that says, the more you have and are grateful for, the more you will receive.

Set up your day by being grateful for what you have and for what the day will bring. See in your mind the kind of day you would like to have and then be grateful that you are having it.

Mary Grace Musuneggi

Founder and Executive Director

November 2015